communication skills for confidence

How to be happy

2008-12-25T05:45:00.000-08:00

I was sitting in the coffee shop reflecting on this year and wondering what to
do next?

I accomplished less than I wanted to accomplish this year and I was
disappointed.

But as I went through my goal list, a pattern started to emerge. Just to verify,
I leafed through my diary and figured out something very important.

This may sound odd. But hang in for another minute and you will understand.

I was not happy when I accomplished my Goals.

Not so believable isn't it?

Look, I have not made my first million yet and I do not want to stop anyone who
is planning that either.

But you should be aware of what happens when you chase a material goal.

According to the pattern, when ever I chased a material goal, my satisfaction
was very short lived and in some instances it was not satisfying at all.

For example, my goal was to buy a 30'' plasma TV. I had to work hard, sacrifice
a few things and then finally I brought the thing home.

But guess what?

By the time I got it home, I was tired and even before I installed it, I was
regretting my choice. I was thinking 42'' would have been a better choice.

Know the feeling?

For months I was running around doing stuff that I did not enjoy so I can buy
this TV and when I finally brought the TV I regretted my decision within half
hour.

Does this sound familiar?

You might have come across this in your own life.

Look I am not against buying things. But buying things just to feel satisfied
with them is not a good idea.

Simply put.

Do not base your satisfaction on buying stuff.

In contrast, I had also planned to learn Salsa. It was not that expensive, but
it did mean I had to cut out on my frequent travelling.

It was hard, tiring and moreover, my friends laughed at me.

But within those moving beats I found my joy. It was like a massage of my
senses. Suddenly I was more aware of my body. I felt good about myself and my
self esteem went through the roof.

My classes are long over. But whenever I think of it, I have a smile on my face.

As an added benefit, I made a whole lot of friends and some of them turned out
to be business partners later.

So thinking back, this is what I have realized.

When you invest in yourself, you will a lot happier and smarter for a longer
time than the first 10 minutes of buying a sauna belt that you saw on TV.

So today's take away. Invest in your own growth.

In the next post I am going to share with you a simple tool that you can use to
feel a lot happier and help you shape your goals right.

Keep an eye out

Hari

PS: This is one the best programs on
Goal Setting.
Check it out!
http://www.communication-skills-4confidence.com/goals

Love and Ego

2008-09-08T23:38:00.000-07:00

Just a few days ago, having recently returned from a 2 week trip to Europe with her boyfriend, My friend called to tell me about her adventures and share some of what she experienced while in Amsterdam and Paris. It would be the first time they'd spend this much time together, 24/7, since they first began their relationship a year ago. (And I don't suppose I have to tell you what the French think about us anyway!)

During the time she was talking to me, I could hear and feel her angst over what had transpired and her disappointment in her trip being ruined by this man. I also knew that it would likely take months before she actually did break up with him, as this is her usual modus operandi.

I know her, I love her and I am not the kind of friend who tells others what they 'should' do. I then asked if she knew why this was causing her to be so upset. And then...she laughed out loud, a big giant belly-laugh, and said, "I guess it's my ego talking." I couldn't help but laugh right along with her. It happens all the time and it never ceases to amaze me that most people don't even know what it's about. But, and this is a big 'but', one must first realize that it's ego talking, not our true self.

I happen to think that we all get to create our lives, and we do, even if we don't know it. We create our lives by the things we think, the thoughts we focus on and the passion we expend on those thoughts. This, I know, is my truth. And when it comes time to look at something we don't actually want in our lives, it's up to us to take a step back and rethink our focus. Are you going to attempt to change it in it's hardened form or are you going to start all over and cast a new one? I also know she'll see, soon enough, that all of this is for good purpose and she's a better person for it. The moment she sees this about herself is the moment she will get to live the fairy tale she so wants to live. I know.

Love and Peace

Hari

Distance Education

2008-02-25T08:23:00.000-08:00

Hey Guys,

Here is the latest.

A Friend of mine suggested I dabble bit on distance learning to improve my education qualification. Therefore, I went on a research spree and found tonnes of info but none of them covered all the basics I was looking for. Therefore, when I found it all out, I made a post of it so I can spread the obvious word a lil bit and help people just like me. You have to make sure that you invest in an Accredited distance learning program and be wary of the many diploma scams on the internet.

Distance learning online college is usually more comfortable for the older more mature or working people (do not like to be referred to as mature you see- takes fun out of life) like I so I chose to see what all it has to offer.

The Beauty of online study is that you do not have to get up early and sit with a bunch of nerds who know it all. I can just sit at my own control room and read all the stuff and I need to ask question, I can mail the professors. Only ting I would miss from a regular college is the fun of bunking classes.

First, I thought I would take some classes in French and probably get a diploma in French studies. However, the problem was it ruined my weekends. I jus could not go anywhere out of town, coz missing 6 hrs of class will take me too far behind. In addition, the cute teachers lasted only until 1A section and above that all the gawky old one stumbled out. To add o my woes, not even one cute looker in the higher class that I saw so I had enough and said bye for now. However, I will come back and complete at least until 2B so I can become fluent with French.

There are many advantages of distance education and not many of its benefits are that obvious.

The other part apart from being totally customize to my own timing, Distance learning at online colleges is usually more cost effective when compared to all the fancy colleges. Especially for self-employed people, for who time is money, studying in a full time college is almost impossible.

I can receive the same quality of education at a lower price from an online institution. I can obtain my education in a manner that is easier and more convenient for me. With the new concept of self-paced learning, I can make my own schedule based on the amount of free time that I can squeeze out of my work.

After looking at all the odds and evens, I think it is only fair to try it. If I can get a PhD avoiding all the dork professors, why not?

I have always fancied calling myself a doctor, so let’s try it out.

Choose a good distance learning college and go to the next step.
Cheers
Sri

Good Communication

2007-12-18T11:47:00.000-08:00

if you ever wondered why so many people fail to convey their thoughts, you d not have to look for an answer.
Here are top 3 reasons for lack of Good Communication

1. Lack of clarity of thought

You are trying to convey but you are not sure what you want to say. This happens very often and in many circumstances. On of the main reasons this happens is because of pressure on a person to speak. You just need to understand that the world will not stop spinning if you slow down, take deep breath and leave it out slowly and then answer the question. This is a typical outgrowth of a childhood belief that a

Quick Response = Smart and Intelligent guy

Guess what, You are not in a class room anymore. so relax and respond. In fact most of the influential/powerful men use more pause in their speech than You and I do. It sounds like words carry a weight.

2. Lack of Choice.

Lack of choice can be of two types. firstly lack of choice in words which means you are hunting for words. This can be over come by developing a simple yet big vocabulary. Vocabulary does not mean you need to know all the big words in a dictionary. I means you are able to use words in the most elegant and useful manner.

Second, lack of choice may be a lack of choice in answer. In most cases when you do not like the choice you are forced to make, it but natural to mumble incoherently. You can overcome this only by practicing the habit of developing choices in all th things you do. or simply by becoming aware of all the choices that you can possibly make.

3. Eagerness to Impress.

One of the very first lessons I learned early in life is that being impressive is not as effective as being impressed. The first one i.e being impressive differentiates you from others which simply put, distances you from others.. breaks rapport. While the second state of being impressed is a cohesive force. it brings you and your audience closer... a better rapport situation.

So now you know at least 3 ways of improving your communication skills.
Go ahead and try it out and let me know the results.

Best of luck
SriHari

2007-11-07T11:43:00.000-08:00

Simple things to show you what?
sometimes we all get so messed up in he complexities of life than we forget what we actually wanted from life.
When this happens on a regular basis , we all lose hope and even forget to dream the dreams.
We all are creatures of habit. we all love comfort. so we get stuck with all the drappy little things which we think are making us comfortable but are actually stopping us from reaching our full potential.
Take a hard look and see what stops you from being your self?
Things out of your control or things closer to home?

Think about it...

Beating Adwords - New Ways to Beat the Game

2007-07-19T11:56:00.000-07:00

Incase you were wondering if you can do something easy on the net to get a few hundred bucks without losing your sleep or hair, here it is Beating Adwords,
check it out. ASAP
cheers
Hari

2007-06-23T03:59:00.000-07:00

Ok.
This has been waaay too long since I wrote anything here.
If you wonder what else I have been doing?
Here they are, I have been writing on Squidoo on many many things some of them are really stupid too.
Check it out Get Rid of Stomach Fat a page on how o get rid of stomach fat
Then you can watch another page on How To Get Rid Of Belly Fat
See I told you, I ahve been doing stupid stuff but that I not all, Check Out How To Lose My Tummy Fat

I have been dipping my fingers a lot into online and PPC marketing.
Want to see more?
ok ok ...
Here it is How to get Rid of Belly Fat
Now You might wondr why is a guy who used to write abot communication skills is now writing about belly and tummy?
SImple I am experimenting on some Ad concepts and see how it can influence consumer's brain. So here we go.

2006-05-18T11:46:00.000-07:00

Hi all,
I had a fantabulous time in the retreat. It was as if we learnt an all new lanugae to communicate with ourselves.
Since the teacher is not planning to take any more of such sessions, I wont be able to tell you when it will be held again. Keep an eye here if you are keen.

Until next time
Sri Hari

Sometimes we all need help.

2006-03-10T05:51:00.000-08:00

How do you recognize that you need some help with your communication skills?

This is one question which actually put me on the path to self growth. We get used to reacting to our surrounding circumstances right from a very young age and believe that staying safe and unhurt is the best way to succeed. We get stuck in our own graves.

Instead of being a driver of performance, our adrenaline becomes a mechanism to detect threats. No wonder we are coming up with new names for diseases everyday.
Back to our question, how do you know?

I had come across so many circumstances in my life where I saw the flags all along which screamed at me “dude, it ain’t working, do something different” but I was stuck to being comfortable and I did the same old things which got me so frustrated.

It was not until I put aside everything I believed to be true, and began to question reality that I got somewhere. I began to find the difference between what is expected and what I wanted to really do. Only then, did I come up with the real issues in hand.

Go back and find three things in your life in that are causing you problems. Identify them. Because,

Until you know your enemy you cannot defeat him.

Sign up for the skill builder course to help you develop new skills that can hurl away your limitations.

Live life to the fullest,
Sri Hari H S
The Communications Guy

Handling Interruptions

2005-11-25T02:00:00.000-08:00

Interruptions are probably the most hated problem in the field of communication. It is very easy for anyone to slip into the habit of interrupting others. In some people it is such an ingrained habit that they will not even know that they are interrupting someone. I have been one of them and thankfully with practice, I have been able to overcome this problem.
The habit of interrupting can be caused by two different reasons or intentions.
1. The person is genuinely interested in making sure you get all the information that you may need. True, they exude the know-it-all and sometimes, they do! They may know-it-all. This type is also called as walking dictionaries
2. The other one is the type who feels they are better than you and always want to prove it to others as well so they don’t miss even one opportunity to show off their ‘gift’ and look down upon others.

Now that we have found the necessary difference and are resolved to handle this problem, why not do it in a way that makes the best use of this behavior?
First thing to know is to hate the attitude, not the person.

Some of the walking dictionary types are crazy but also a genius. They can come up with crazy ideas. Often, they are very erratic and creative. Their thought processes are non linear and from what I have seen, all major businessmen have one such person around because they can think differently than the rest. They can give a perspective which others can’t. But then, not all interrupters fall into this category.
I will try to outline some of the ways in which this particular behavior can be handled
Important: Use situational judgment before using any of these techniques

1. Recognize this behavior in yourself.
Interruptions happen not just in talking but also to our thoughts and actions.
Verbal interruptions are easy to realize. If you want to solve the core problem, try and realize all the different areas of life where you get interrupted by yourself. Some are good and some are not so good. See http://communication-skills-4confidence.com/interruptions.html for more details

2. Realize the purpose of Interruptions.

Interruptions are like messengers, they have a purpose and the message. Once you recognize at least three different areas in your own life where you suffer from unnecessary interruptions, begin to look for the possible reasons for these interruptions. Most of them originate from the depths of the powerful and protective unconscious mind.
Always respect these signals. The more you respect your unconscious, the more it will be helpful to you. In many situations, Interruptions may be indicative or metaphorical in its message. The meaning will dawn to you in due course.
If you hate it, suppress it or get anxious over it, you are indicating distrust towards your unconscious.

3. You find yourself interrupting others while they talk.
The behavior of interrupting others can be due to the two reasons that I mentioned earlier one. There is one more factor to consider, your ego. The best way to solve this is to just laugh at your ego’s attempt for attention. Just laugh at it internally and thank it for the message. Make a note of the message and deliver it to the group later.

4. Dealing with others interrupting you.
Well there are different ways you can handle it depending on the situation and context. If you are in a meeting where you expect to be interrupted try this one:
As I said, use sound judgment while using this particular technique.
At the beginning of the meeting, mention that those who have something to say will have to hold their thoughts and the ones who interrupt will have to wear pink pant to office or something ridiculous. The idea is to make the person who would interrupt a little foolish and at the same time giving him a leeway to avoid it.
The structure:
Interrupt  do something stupid OR avoid
Note: Nobody likes being told that they are wrong. Use caution.
Another way is to let them know that they interrupt a lot and they can find a solution to their problem by coming to my site and reading the page on Interruptions. You can even print this page and give it to them if you want. Simple isn’t it?
You are achieving two objectives. You are telling them that you know that they are interrupting too often. That you care about them and you are willing to help. The least of all, you, will give me new visitors and encourage me to write more.

The useful way of using interruptions:
Admit it, we all have it. Interrupting is a natural thing. Once you accept it, move on to the next phase of how to harness the power of interruptions.

Sri Hari has been developing new insights in the field of communication skills helping thousands break the mould and enjoy a happier life. Get a taste of his unique perspective at his website http://www.communication-skills-4confidence.com/©SriHari2005.

What is going on?

2005-11-18T11:30:00.000-08:00

Hey all,

I have been getting many emails from my visitors asking why I have not been posting for some time now.

Well the thing is that since the time I opened doors for the
skill builder ecourse, I have been getting many requests for asking for a lot of different things to be added to the site and the course. So I have
been busy working on those requests.

Just to let you know, the most awaited parts about handling Interruptions should be up in the
next day to two. Keep watching:-)

Have Lots of Fun, and Happy Holidays

Sri Hari.

"The Communication Guy"

Leadership Quotes: How to use them

2005-11-01T05:07:00.000-08:00

Some people think that in order to qualify as a leadership quote; it needs to have the word leader or leadership in it. That’s simply absurd. Let me give you some examples. Two quotes from two well known people. Tell me which one you feel qualifies as a leadership quote?
1. "If you want to build a ship, don't drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea."
2. "Leadership is action, not position."
Which one would you pick?
A leadership Quote is like a Loaded Bullet, when fired from the correct angle, it can penetrate through the toughest of the armors.
Leadership quotes are good to use especially in speeches or communication training or even in a simple conversations where you need a different perspective. A few advantages of using leadership quotes:
1. It tells the people listening that you are well learned.
2. It also gives them a new perspective (that is what quotes are supposed to do)
3. You can use it as a filler
4. It works well as an effective transition device or as an introduction to metaphors while speaking.
One thing not to ever do: Do not pass on somebody’s quote as your own. There are chances you could be caught. Don’t worry, it won’t put you behind bars but, people will know that you are pretentious.

Now, let’s examine some of the quotes that can make us move in new directions.
Important: This page will be changed often. So if you like something, write it down. I will try to help you get a new direction of thought or will give some examples to help you understand them better.
"A Leader is best when people barely know he exists"
- Manz and Sims
"Good end justifies any means."
- Machiavelli
This great Teacher is well known for his quotes which have always been blown out of context. Machiavelli was way ahead of his time when it came to ideas of leadership. He made no efforts to keep his thoughts a secret, even if they were not accepted at his time. Pay special attention to his quotes, and always take it with a pinch of salt because most of the time, it would be a half truth....more

Free Hypnosis MP3

2005-10-27T12:57:00.000-07:00

Hello all,
Its official. I have received the go-ahead from Hypnotica to give away his amazing Build Confidence mp3 Free. so here is your chance to grab the $97 worth Build Confidence along with our 10 part E-Course.

A lot of you have been telling me that the site is great but you need a concrete plan to follow....
wish granted.
The E-Course is about to begin...so lose no time. sign up today...

http://www.communication-skills-4confidence.com/join.html

Always,
Sri Hari
Grab the Mp3

What is Active listening?

2005-10-20T12:21:00.000-07:00

Defining Active listening: Active listening is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding. It is made up of three components;
Hearing
Interpreting
Assigning a contextual meaning.

The Process of listening is organized into three steps not because I say so but, due to the biological process which regulates listening.
The proof of good listening is an appropriate response.
- Judi Brownell
Most of us would not differentiate between hearing and listening. This is mostly due to the conditioning that all of us go through in the school which says Ear is for Hearing
There is a big difference. You can hear the noise, but you have to listen ....

Listening skills: Tips and Techniques

2005-10-14T12:22:00.000-07:00

Listening skills v/s Hearing
Almost all of us are born with the ability to Hear. As we grow older, right from day one, we begin to develop our listening skills, i.e. Interpret what we hear and give a contextualized meaning to the sounds. So listening is not an inborn talent, but something we develop out of practice. It is a cognitive process in psychological terms. Irrespective of how good one might be, we all can do a better job at listening. All too often we are being referred to the saying;
God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason - Use it in that proportion.
I have first hand experience in this area and the techniques that .......

Interrupting and Empowering: A new perspective

2005-10-10T12:40:00.000-07:00

Most of the communication skills courses tell us not to interrupt. I think they are leaving out an important and natural power. Interrupting need not be only in a conversation. It has many garbs. You may be interrupting your sleep to read this article and some times, it is a good thing to do. So instead of casting away it as an unnecessary behavior, utilize it in the following way.
Due to the ritualistic living that we are undergoing, it is quite easy to adjust ourselves into a stereotype and react to circumstances.
This is one of the reasons everything stays mediocre instead of the Grand. We often interrupt or grand ideas and empower mediocrity because it is familiar and we won’t be seen as fools. If you reverse this process, i.e. interrupt mediocrity and empower creativity, you will have lot more satisfaction and success.

Next time you catch yourself thinking of a problem interrupt that thinking and empower your self to look for the solution rather than keep staring at the problem. Who says learning communication skills can be boring? We get a whole new dimension don’t we?

Have Fun
Sri Hari
Skills for the Next Level

Focussing on the Principles

2005-10-03T13:29:00.000-07:00

Forget techniques and learn principles:

A lot of managers are fond of using something called a Sandwich technique. It is situation where you slip in a negative comment or feedback layered in between two positive comments. It is a good technique no doubt. But if you repeat it to the same old staff for 2 years, it means you are not capable of innovating. People get conditioned to any one particular behavior over time and so the technique looses its impact.

We all develop a favorite way of reacting to situations. We gather these techniques by experience and learning from others. What we eventually have forgotten is that they are just techniques, and are replaceable. Something like software programs which almost always get replaced by a better version.

But since it works so well to us, we get possessive about it and find our selves bound by it. It becomes difficult to break that mould. A person in a mould is like a frog in the well. He has limited reach and limited awareness.
Technique is like giving fish to a hungry man while understanding a principle is like teaching him fishing. So instead of getting all cluttered up with techniques understand the principles driving them. You will find many on my website.

Have Fun
Sri Hari
Skills for the Next Level

2005-09-26T03:45:00.000-07:00

Choosing your Direction:

Most of the well meaning gurus of modern life have taught us to have goals and I also talk about this on my communication skills website .Some of the gurus have gone to the extent of telling us to create the reality in our mind and live it until it manifests in the real world. This is a good thing to do and it works. We have to understand, though, that it is a creative process and we should not use our logical and rational thinking to understand(or rationalize) this process. It is necessary to have goals in life as goal posts, as indicators and route maps. But, not as the final destination. Many people get confused with goal setting and set themselves up for disappointment.

All our goals should be aimed at inner satisfaction first and then external manifestation.
It will be lot easier when you take the tension off a destination and create a goal post for yourselves.

Have Fun
Sri Hari
Skills for the Next Level

Build your Self worth

2005-09-18T11:38:00.000-07:00

Getting a snapshot of our inner self and communicating with it is the stepping stone for lasting success. We may have to tweak that picture a little to make it better. After all the inner torment many of us have gone through, this is high time we dive in for a quick look and fix. How can we do that?

Many successful people believe that building one’s self worth is the best investment one can make. They have always emphasized on the goodness and importance of giving. Most of the people look at this idea with scoff and feel that they can give out only when they more than enough, a typical indicator of lack of self worth. Find more about building self worth here.

Have Fun
Sri Hari
Skills for the Next Level

2005-09-12T10:40:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

I was watching a portion of The West Wing today and a comment by Pres.Bill Clinton made me think. He said "A President has to make tough choices, but then Tough choices also makes you the President"
So many of us do not do the right thing because we are too scared. We put ourselves in a cave of fear and darkness. The situation may pass us, time moves on ,but, we will care that cave within ourselves.Untill you Clear that cave out, You will always feel Incomplete.
What can you do today to clear your cave? Get to know the Intention of your acts and you will get the starting point.

until next time,

Sri Hari
Communication Skills for the Next Level

The Biggest Characteristic of Leadership.

2005-08-29T13:09:00.000-07:00

The Biggest Characteristic of Leadership :
Have you ever wondered what is the biggest Characteristic of Leadership is?
there is easy way of recognizeing this select three to five famous leaders from different regions from teh same time frame and ask your self thee questions.
if you were to find the most common thing about these leaders, what would it be?
what is the greatest source of strength of these leaders?
think about this and check your answers at Characteristic of leadership or Leadership traits

Have fun

Sean Nei
Taking Communication Skills to the Next Level

Index of site content

2005-08-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

Communication Skills: Gives comprehensive information on how the various components of the website.....
Good Communication skills: The most basic rule of communication.

Importance of communication skills: Importance of communication skills in today's life.

Effective communication skills: the need for effective communication skills.

Improve communication skills: Techniques to improve.

Active Listening: What does active listening have to do with communication skills?

Listening skills : Tips to develop listening skills

Presentation skills : Presentation skills to improve your communication.

Presentation: Talks about the ways to improve presentation skills.

Presentation Ideas: Gives a few ideas to get you started on Presentations

Business Presentation: Some common mistakes Presenters do and how to avoid them

Leadership skills: Presents the aspects of leadership skills

Definition of Leadership: Get a clear definition of leadership

Characteristic of leadership: The main characteristic of leadership.

Leadership traits: Explains the main leadership traits.

Leadership Quality: Explained with examples.

Leadership Quotes: How to make the most of it.

Writing skills: A short intro to writing for effect.

Writing tip: A short Cut guide to improve your writing....fast

Communication skills Training 1: How to increase effectiveness in training.

Communication training 2: Continuation of the Communication skills Training

About Me: Information about me :-)

Contact Info: If you feel like contacting us.....click on the above link...

Terms of services: Our Terms of service if you feel like checking them out.....

Welcome to communication skills blog

2005-08-27T06:31:00.000-07:00

Hi friends,
Welcome to my online blog. The field of communication is very dynamic and so should be our website. To ensure that you get all the updates and the latest in communication skills, keep checking this blog often.

Let's have some fun
Sean Nei
http://www.communication-skills-4confidence.com